Sudanese Prisoners Awaiting Execution Agree that "4:20 is the Best Time to Get Stoned"

SUDAN— According to a poll of Sudanese prisoners facing death by stoning, 4:20 is by far the most popular time of day to be pelted with rocks by angry, bloodthirsty mobs. 

The information comes from a survey in which the prisoners were asked which time they would prefer to undergo their stoning execution out of the following selection of times: 1:30, 2:00. 2:30. 3:00. 3:30, 4:00, 4:15 and 4:20.

BREAKING: Vatican Considering Also Electing New God

VATICAN CITY—With the date of the conclave to elect a new pope now set, cardinals from across the world have been meeting to discuss the future of the Catholic Church, a conversation which has apparently sparked interest in the possibility of also electing a new god.

According to inside sources from the Vatican, the Church is "seriously considering" replacing the god that has led their faith for the past infinite amount of years.

Photo Gallery: INSANE Google Search Suggestions

Check out these ridiculous search suggestions from Google(.com)! How does it come up with these CRAZY things?

Seth MacFarlane Declared the Worst Oscar Host Since Whoever the Last Oscar Host Was

THE INTERNET—Following this year's Academy Awards, on the one day a year when all journalists, bloggers and twitter users become comedy experts, the online community has officially declared the event's host, Seth MacFarlane, to be the WORST OSCAR HOST OF ALL TIME, taking the place of whoever it was that hosted the Oscars last year.

Despite clearly being given a fair chance by all online critics, MacFarlane's performance was ultimately dismissed as crude, offensive, sexist and a DISASTER after he finished telling his first joke. 

Photo Gallery: Iconic Slam Dunks

These are arguably some of the most iconic slam dunks in the history of basketball!

Local Man Tattoos Family Crest on Bicep as a Tribute to Being Totally Jacked

YOUR REGION—After careful thought and deliberation, a local man has decided to make a permanent mark in honour of his own ripped body by tattooing his family crest on his sweet, toned right bicep.

The tat belongs to Tom McElroy, a 22 year old worker at a nearby factory, who says that he got the tattoo only a week after the death of his grandfather, when he finally reached his target weight of 215 pounds. 

Photo Gallery: Celebrities at Sporting Events

You won't believe what A-list celebrities we caught enjoying sporting events, just like regular people!

Brave NHL Heroes Return from Europe after Conquering Enemy Leagues Overseas

NEW YORK—More than three months after they first started to depart, NHL players risking their lives in Europe are finally being brought home to North America after ensuring that the NHL will remain the world's most powerful hockey league. 

The overseas mission, which was enacted in September of last year, was first planned in the off season when NHL executives grew concerned about the growing presence of Russia’s KHL as a superpower hockey league. An executive decision was made at that time to stage a fake lockout in order to allow NHL players to travel to Europe and reclaim the sport.

2012's Top 5 Books to Burn

With the year winding down and the holidays approaching quickly, there's no better time to just relax, curl up next to a nice warm fire and destroy morally objectionable literature.

But with so many disgusting, morally bankrupt, anti-Christian filth out there these days, how can you ever decide what books to burn?

Lucky for you, SuperWhizBang! has compiled a list of the 5 most burnable books of the year. We didn't actually read any of them but we're sure they're all ruining our otherwise perfect society!

West Coast Responds to Biggie Autopsy Report with Even More Gruesome Tupac Death Details

LAS VEGAS—In an attempt to reignite the dormant nineties East Coast-West Coast rap feud, Tupac Shakur's posthumous autopsy report has finally been released to prove that his death was much more horrific and tragic than the recently leaked Notorious B.I.G. post-mortem examination. 

According to the Las Vegas County Department Coroner's 47 page report, Tupac received dozens of gunshot wounds all over his body which were all more severe and badass than the ones indicated in Biggie's autopsy.