First Pick in Gym Class Dodgeball Fails to Live Up to Lofty Expectations

CHICAGO—Despite being unanimously declared the best Dodgeball player in his gym class, a popular student at a suburban Illinois middle school could not live up to the hype during Friday afternoon's game.

Although pretty much everyone in the Period F Gym Class at McKinley Middle School in East Chicago were convinced that Chris Kapeski was the most athletically complete player available for their Dodgeball game, Kapeski ended up being one of the biggest busts in recent memory. 

"He was the obvious number one choice for us after we won at rock, paper, scissors" explained  Billy Wilkerson, captain of the Red Pinnies team, "he's probably the strongest kid in class, he made regional's in track and field, I heard he was a even a baseball pitcher outside of school... I don't know what happened out there."

According to reports from spectators, despite having a fair amount of skill, Kapeski lacked the work ethic and drive required to lead his team to victory and found himself on the bench after only three minutes when a weak lob was caught by the opposing team.

"His heart just wasn't there" commented the class gym teacher, Mr. McLean, "he wasn't going after the loose balls and his compete level, along with most other meaningless terms, wasn't nearly high enough." 

Other members of the Red Pinnies also blamed Kapeski's failures on attitude problems. Some teammates have claimed that the star athlete was not in shape for the game after staying up late playing video games while others have attributed his struggles to a lack of attention during the pre-game stretching activity.

"He just didn't take it seriously at all" complained late round steal, Josh Warton, who was the longest lasting member of the Red Pinnies, "it's almost like he thought this game didn't even matter, like it was just for fun and exercise... it was despicable." 

Kapeski himself was very tight-lipped about the game's events. When he was approached after class he curtly denied to comment on his performance and quickly ducked out of the lockeroom saying he was "going to be late for his algebra exam."

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